What do you say when a friend’s been laid off?
“I didn’t even realize it was Ellen,” Beth said, “she was crying so hard.”
There are good ways and bad ways to handle layoffs. Ellen’s was especially brutal.
She had joined the company after college, done well, and risen to a high middle manager position. She was in financial services, so she knew that everyone was at risk, but she wasn’t prepared for what happened to her.
Ellen’s manager came to her office and asked her to go with him. There was someone the manager wanted her to meet.
They walked to another part of the building. Her manager opened the door to a private office. Then he said, “Ellen, this is Tom. Tom this is Ellen, she’s been a productive part of our team.” Then her manager disappeared.
Lots of people have heard a version of that speech these last few months. I call it the “Handoff to the Executioner.” The executioner in this case was a hired gun consultant from an outplacement firm.
An hour later, Ellen was in the parking lot, loading a box of her personal possessions into the car, re-reading the “I’ll never sue” waiver she signed, and reaching for her cell phone. She called her friend, Beth.
What do you say when you get a call like that? First, listen. Prompt the person to tell the story. This is not the time for advice or empty reassurance.
When someone has just lost their job, they don’t need advice. They need to know that someone cares. If they called you, it was probably because they thought you would.
If you’re going to respond, demonstrate that you’re willing to be part of the solution. Beth told Ellen that she’d help “work out a plan for what to do next.”
When they get together, Beth can make suggestions about what to do. Then it will be time to help Ellen be realistic. Then it will be time to urge Ellen to keep moving, taking positive action steps every day.
If a friend who’s just lost their job calls you, listen first. The time for “what to do” suggestions can come later.
